Diary 82

.
I've decided to be honest with myself at this current state.

"Dear housemates, *yes everyone of you*

Good bye, we just live together under one roof, and sleep together in the same room, not bed.
We don't take care of each other life. I don't need you guys in my life other that just money sharing in terms of furniture. and the bill. Get this thing clear in mind, I DON'T OWN YOU NOTHING. WE ARE EQUAL, DON'T EXPECT SUCH KINDNESS FROM ME.
And I don't think I will keep in contact with you guys anymore after final exam."

"Dear coursemate,
You guys are lovely, and very protective to yourself. Glad to hear that.
But too bad, not in the same league as I. I don't like science anymore.
Not interested at all. How am I going to keep having the same topic as you guys would do ?
I don't even understand certain topic you guys discussed.
So goodbye too, Its obviously proven that we don't belong to the same world/field in future."

"Dear friends,
I don't know my limit with friends.
But I do know, I will trust my friend, And I expecting the same from my friend too.
So don't ever lie to me, Or making me suspicious. Clear my mind.
No one ever did that till now, and still no one in my after-list since secondary school.
Maybe its my problem, but, you guys have your life too, as you know what's your future track, you have already know how to walk you path. But, I don't.
So, stay away from me. I'am bad influence for you guys.
And I also do not want to own anything from you guys, even kindness."

"Dear People I know in UMT, everyone.
I'm hopelessly lost. I'm dwelling in the endless depth of despair.
I may seem tough and cherry from outside, But I really don't.
Mental Breakdown can happens anything, I'm dangerous. Stay away from me.
I prefer alone than having a few so-called companions."

And last, I hate UMT.
 I regret decision that fall too quickly in place.
No one I meet here was more or as despair as me.
They have got good life, stable life.
And everything was well-planned in their sketch.
I'm just hanging and floating around,
Being washed to anywhere that seem doesn't matter to anyone.
Silently and non-noticeable.


P.S// I desperately wanted to leave this place right now, right now. I don't belong here at all. Call me selfish or picky, but that my dream and future. I don't want my future to have the peoples from UMT, especially form science background. No! God can't even save me wouldn't he ?

Diary 81

.
I now declare myself as normal being, in terms or sexuality and behavior. 
I always settle for thing that seems doesn't matter to me.
But in fact it doesn't.

I guess understanding about myself wasn't that easy for one.
Anyway, I not typical anyone.
I have a unique mind, respect that and I shall do the same for you.