.
What if we were thrown into total dead end ?
I really wonder, sometimes.
For animals, some were strong enough to fight.
Some just surrender themselves,
some even let themselves being cornered more.
Get beaten, abused, and not planning a fight back or just resist.
To be success, and ac knowledgeable,
we gonna be super extreme.
That's it.
No further answer,
Unless you are telling me that you have a super rich family or relatives that does't have any other children, and they only connection to people around are just, you.
Cut down all the unnecessary need.
Kill it off. They are meant to rot and get stepped by you in the future.
Don't sympathized them, never.
* I guess for someone so softhearted like me;
success will never come. Just forget it. unless I change.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Diary 42
.
I'm helpless.
Seriously, I'm happy that life is back to me.
Things are going well.
Way too well.
I don't know.
I'm not willing to do it.
I don't wanna anyone to misunderstood me.
Keeping pure and not contaminated is EXTREMELY HARD.
*even harder that scoring Flappy Bird.*
I don't understand myself.
I guess human can't stand alone.
But they will be alone after all.
So the loop of confusion begin again.
*haha!!!!
* this part dedicated to 21st of Feb 2014.
I pass my day quite with loaded activity and relaxation.
But I wasn't really enjoying it.
I don't wanna live this way.
Its not really free-to-do-what-you-like.
Its weird.
I'm weird.
I'm not truly happy this time, and I know it.
It suppose to just be a dinner,
but it turn out to have another round and everyone was so exciting to the state that I doesn't dare to say anything to object it. I'm anti-social I think. :(
D;
Argh !!!!!
Let's get drunk and FORGET IT!!
I don't really like it.
I overdone it and it can't be undone.
I can't feel sorry and I'm truly sorry I can't control.
I just hate myself.
Whatever, I'm ugly.
Ugly ugly.
Disgusted.
Outraged.
Nauseated.
Being looked so shiny and proud from the outside.
I'm scared to death in the inside.
I'm being so contradict.
And being so selfish. I'm not me.
I can't control. Give me some space to express.
I HATE IT!
I 'm a control freak.
AND I HATE IT !!!!
I guess I overthink too much.
Tiredness made me down.
I'm glad I had a strong inner institution here to support me in fighting the outside world of mine. And Seriously, I don't need any kind of expression to support, instead, stay there for me, let me know that you guys can live well without me and not feeling regrettable. That's me.
Cause I trust you guys as if I don't need to do anything for you guys to trust me.
I trust that it will be my last resort, the very last place I can stay, I can cry, I can fake, I can be real, I can Laugh-Out-Loud, I don't need to cover, I don't need to worried, I can be disappointed and not being sad. I put my faith in this relationship though. Thank for making me survive. Seriously, #KodosAreScaryButFun.
#ICryInsideToday.
#ImLost
#Self-Healing-Again
#ThankYouForUnderstanding
#SorryForBeingSissy
#SorryForNotExplaining
#SorryThatICan'tControl.
#StrongEnoughToStandAloneButUnableToDoSo.
I'm helpless.
Seriously, I'm happy that life is back to me.
Things are going well.
Way too well.
I don't know.
I'm not willing to do it.
I don't wanna anyone to misunderstood me.
Keeping pure and not contaminated is EXTREMELY HARD.
*even harder that scoring Flappy Bird.*
I don't understand myself.
I guess human can't stand alone.
But they will be alone after all.
So the loop of confusion begin again.
*haha!!!!
* this part dedicated to 21st of Feb 2014.
I pass my day quite with loaded activity and relaxation.
But I wasn't really enjoying it.
I don't wanna live this way.
Its not really free-to-do-what-you-like.
Its weird.
I'm weird.
I'm not truly happy this time, and I know it.
It suppose to just be a dinner,
but it turn out to have another round and everyone was so exciting to the state that I doesn't dare to say anything to object it. I'm anti-social I think. :(
D;
Argh !!!!!
Let's get drunk and FORGET IT!!
I don't really like it.
I overdone it and it can't be undone.
I can't feel sorry and I'm truly sorry I can't control.
I just hate myself.
Whatever, I'm ugly.
Ugly ugly.
Disgusted.
Outraged.
Nauseated.
Being looked so shiny and proud from the outside.
I'm scared to death in the inside.
I'm being so contradict.
And being so selfish. I'm not me.
I can't control. Give me some space to express.
I HATE IT!
I 'm a control freak.
AND I HATE IT !!!!
I guess I overthink too much.
Tiredness made me down.
I'm glad I had a strong inner institution here to support me in fighting the outside world of mine. And Seriously, I don't need any kind of expression to support, instead, stay there for me, let me know that you guys can live well without me and not feeling regrettable. That's me.
Cause I trust you guys as if I don't need to do anything for you guys to trust me.
I trust that it will be my last resort, the very last place I can stay, I can cry, I can fake, I can be real, I can Laugh-Out-Loud, I don't need to cover, I don't need to worried, I can be disappointed and not being sad. I put my faith in this relationship though. Thank for making me survive. Seriously, #KodosAreScaryButFun.
#ICryInsideToday.
#ImLost
#Self-Healing-Again
#ThankYouForUnderstanding
#SorryForBeingSissy
#SorryForNotExplaining
#SorryThatICan'tControl.
#StrongEnoughToStandAloneButUnableToDoSo.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Diary 41
.
Well, its been awhile.
Hasn't been updating this blog since,
like 1 month or 3 weeks ???..
Anyway, screw it.
it's been smooth month for me, for the least.
I'm over it. Used to it.
Being someone who always over-think too much,
And born from a outcast-ed place,
I don't complaint much.
In fact, I can't.
I can't choose my dad.
I can't choose my mom, my siblings.
This love and hate relationship just simply I can't ignore.
So don't point your finger at me saying I'm not being myself or what.
Cause this is who I am. Thank you for the respect.
Ohya, no sure why I wrote this.
But, I just wanted to.
So don't ask why, just trust.
And last, happy struggling for life.
Well, its been awhile.
Hasn't been updating this blog since,
like 1 month or 3 weeks ???..
Anyway, screw it.
it's been smooth month for me, for the least.
I'm over it. Used to it.
Being someone who always over-think too much,
And born from a outcast-ed place,
I don't complaint much.
In fact, I can't.
I can't choose my dad.
I can't choose my mom, my siblings.
This love and hate relationship just simply I can't ignore.
So don't point your finger at me saying I'm not being myself or what.
Cause this is who I am. Thank you for the respect.
Ohya, no sure why I wrote this.
But, I just wanted to.
So don't ask why, just trust.
And last, happy struggling for life.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Diary 40
This is a emo post.
Just be alone.
We all became alone in the end.
No matter how hard we tried,
No matter how flexible we reflex,
Just be alone.
We all became alone in the end.
No matter how hard we tried,
No matter how flexible we reflex,
No matter how far we avoid..
We became alone in the end.
So why we start ?
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Diary 39
Human, their existence are contradict themselves.
I gotta say, no matter how balance and neutral I tried to be,
I'll still be an extremist.
Damn it.
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