Choices

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Alright.
This is my life.
My blog. (p.s//spammer away please
teehee.(so I decide to turn off the chat box here.

We were bound by choices in our life.
Some of them are good,
Some of them are bad,
Some of them are funny but meaningful,
Some of them are painful,
Some of them are not even in our consideration.

Among all those,
We get to choose,
Detour or dead-end,
Its only matter of perspective.

If we are really into no choices,
Well, the only thing we couldn't choose in this world was our parents.
Right ?..Correct ?..
Fix me if I were wrong. :P
Hmm,
As I have said before,
There are many kind of choices,
I like the painful one,
Cause I can grow from there.
Shut up and listen!
The more your listen the more you will know how to do it.
And that happens just naturally~ ^^

Somehow,
We always get to choose the flexible one.
Course, flexible choices would always on the RIGHT TRACK.
But, think about it. DEEPLY and LOGICALLY.

Is that choices really on the right track or just an avoidance of trouble ?
Human has different level of mentality.
I can say that low mentality one doesn't have life,
Instead, I'm hereby, declared that I have super low mentality sometimes that I would rather let myself to just dissolve in this world. And not showing-off faces anymore.
Well that's a painful choices.

Once a friends told me,
If you really have very strong mentality,
Go save some lifes,
They were lost,
Cause they had avoided plenty enough of trouble,
More enough until the can't find a way to dissolve it.

Meanwhile,
Those with strong mentality won't feel bad so easily,
To the level where they won't listen even when people banishing them for something that shouldn't happen and not their fault.
Well, only few of people are included in this zone. (And I'm not included in, personally thinking
Otherwise, there won't be so many suicidal cases in this world.

Something to wrap-up,
We are all human,
Blood flowing, cell duplicating,
Thought were shared, communication happen.
There will always unequal thing happen in an equalize condition.
Even people with strong mentality might fall, one day.
So, get over it. Face it, it's YOUR choices since the beginning.

So u guys learn something today ?

The UGLY Truth

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Is the reality cruel ?
Is the world caring ?
Is the human you meet trust-able ?

I've been quite a blamer these few days,
but it only start-out since these few days.
Someone taught me something bout 50/50.
So izzit truly correct ?
Izzit true that we can stand on our own without even relying on other, especially family ?
Izzit true that we are not avoiding any circumstances ?
Izzit true that we are not prepare for this world when me have to ?
There is so many question running in my mind .
And they are all so offensive.

I'm really scare,
if I scare just blast it all out,
will I get what I want ?
And at the mean time,
will they manage to cope with it ?
They're all friends, My dear friends.
and for the moment, I'll choose to avoid 1st.
I'll just surrender myself.
To anyone.
To the world.
To the destroyer.
To the end of my life.

Please, BEAT YOUR MIND!!!!!!

Diary 5

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Dear blog,

I'm here to tell my mind about something,

I don't know you can copy or not,

Please, for this moment,

Please let me go.

I have friends,

I have family,

I have life,

I have my dream.

I'm really mentally stressed up and I can't find a place to release it.

Open up a page, FUTILE.

Open up a blog, FUTILE.

Open up talk with everyone,

I don't know whether they still trust me or not.

I'm still weak, super.

Can I end here, once and for all ?

Mayb I shouldn't let anyone know what's happening to me,

Mayb I should just let it slide,

Mayb I 'm just annoying..

How should I deal with my own doubt ?

Somebody BIG, HUGE, INFINITY,

PLEASE, HELP ME!!!!!!!

Diary 4 - 2

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越假的人，越事事都不管的人；
发起疯来，越不能自拔，不能镇定。

Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry for being your only ignorant child,
I'm keeping everything in myself,
And now, I can't cope myself with all the stress and pressure anymore.
I'm simply being exhausted.

Can I stop for one year, and start again ?
I'm so scare, I don't wanna be a bad person,
I don't wanna be a bad guy,
I love you all.
Can I voice out my opinion ?
Can I achieve my dream ?
Can I dream ?
Can I ??

Answering :
I can't right ?

The education system was so bold.
I have decided to leave everything and start new.
So I met challenge, and I shouldn't have accepted it right ?
Cause it bring me to my dream,
making me kneel in front of her,
making my cry,
making me lost,
and bring me back to myself.

I worked my ass off in order to live my life,
but it doesn't seems enough.
Guess I'm just pathetic right ?
And now, I'm lost, again.

Diary 4

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I did it again.
When you are really not interested in smtg,
DON'T DECIDE TO DO IT AT THE FIRST PLACE!!!
When you have decided to do it,
MAKE SURE YOU SET YOUR MIND GOOD TO DO IT!!!!!!
FUCK YOU!

自己选的路，趴着走，走到满身伤，走到只剩下骨头；
你也要把他走完!!!!!!!!
DON'T DO ANYTHING IF YOU ARE REALLY UNPREPARED!!!

Diary 3

Can I just give up on everything and start over ?

I don't find any reason to continue walking

or going further down.

While others are not.

Anonymous 1

Hmmm...
Am I being too attentive ?
Cause I did it again.

I went and utter everything out.
Pretending I really care bout it.
The Ancient Chinese say, 真金不怕红炉火.
Meaning, if you have done nothing wrong,
you shouldn't get nervous,

cause the truth will alway be the last winner.

But,
What if the opponent was too strong ?
What if they come prepared while I'm not ?
What if they lose having faith in me when they saw me busy preparing all the evidence while I have many thing to do ?

I'm mentally tore.
What else could have been more tiring than this ?

Cycling half a n hour few times a day just doesn't help.
I'm not letting it go. WHY ?
GOD WHY THIS HAVE TO BE HAPPENING TO ME ?
DAMN IT! And I can't say "FUCK !"

And why ?
I'm not politician, not revolutionist, not teacher, not principal, not parent, not someone having strong institution or so-called 德高望重. I've already put all my shiny armor down even if I used to have one. But still, WHY ?!
And here, I'm 'pushing myself to my limit'.
I'm 'giving no space to anyone'.

And that why I said, I'm done.
Other can't feel your tiredness in mental.
So, just get over it.
And End it if you were able to.

Edge

I'm going fucked up.
Thing wasn't going the way i think it will be.
I am weak.
I kept dwelling in the past.
I can't kept myself any from sadness.
I'm dying from inside out.
How??!!
I should have focus more on my test which fall on 1 hour later.
I'm so dead.
Or I should just let myself get babysitted.
Just run wild, its not your fault.
Just let it go this time.
I just CAN'T.

Whatever You Like

Promise are Empty.
Its just happen so frequent.
Parents says Do Whatever You Like.
Teachers says Learn Whatever You Like.
Friends says Get Whatever You Want.
And You will says Thank You.

But time pass, condition changed.
Parents says, Don't Overworked Yourself, Give It a Break.
Teacher says, Why Didn't You Follow ? Cause everyone was doing the same thing! Only you, WHY!?
Friends say, Stop Showing Off! We are just too young. Chillax, enjoy everything 1st.

And so, this is how they promise or saying " whatever you like ".
Hilarious ?

Pathetic

You are just pathetic.
You should just end it.
Don't growth tired.
Don't lose to them.
Its hard to stay strong when you wanted to be neutral.
Who else would understand ?
Only if they are super clear.
I can't make them THINK.
Saying everything out can only make you feel better.
Wound doesn't heal. Done with crying ?..
Dream are hard to achieve!!
Can't you understand it ?!
You're TRULY DUMBASS!
YOU ASSHOLE! GO GET A LIFE!!!
YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE!
YOU WERE WRONG!
YOU CAN'T PROVE YOURSELF!
YOU WERE DUMB!
YOU CAN'T CARRY YOURSELF!
YOU, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING!!!!

GO!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE MORE PATHETICALLY;
UNTIL THE DAY
YOU WENT INSANE, OR SUCCESS.

Cause you don't deserve any sympathy from others.
And YOU BASICALLY DON'T NEED IT.
Moved ON!!! And START LIVING MORE PATHETICALLY.

Strong

Stay Strong  no matter what happen.
Who knows one day,
They might just turn your back;
They might just hate you;
They might go start blaming;
They might just kicked you away.
They might just fooling you around.

And they would make you looks UGLY.
That until you have no more choices, to choose.
You leave. Without the need of uttering a single word.
So, just Stay STRONG. No Matter What.

Touched

Yup, I'm TOUCHED.
No more extrapolation.
I'm just simple being touched.
And feeling happy after yesterday 1st encounter.
Thanks for being considerate to me.

Diary 2

Hmm.. Been kinda a thinker today..
I've been spotting some 客套话/fake/conversation today..
And yes, you may think that I'm over reacting or what..
But to tell you the actual thing is, I've gone tired.
really TIRED, to the point "Imma not gonna respond to anyone anymore."

Thing goes with initiator, u started it, u have to end it.
Life goes harsh, but if u don't face it, u fail it.
I've really been thru a lot today.
They shall say : "Who asked you to go ?? Nobody asked you!!!"
And YUP! I'm just doing something to make myself more and more pathetic and showing it off to everyone. I'M PATHETIC!!!!
So, happy ?..

I don't. I don't copy why.

Everyone was so excited. Why would I ?
And now, I'm being unfair to them right ?
Putting everything here, spilling every dissatisfaction here without even discuss it.
And why should I discuss, bring it to the surface, make it UGLY ?..

Human wear mask to socialize, pure-hearted one don't.
They say something could trigger imagination of others.
So they get what they didn't wish for. Even being mistranslated.
Truth was bent, so do statement.
And thing just always happen.

Initiator held responsible for the thing they promote at the first place.
Those who get the credit, should just get the credit.
Initiator was nothing but a bridge and troublemaker.
They get dismissed then not in use;
They get kicked after the main occurrence.
They get blamed after error appear.
And they are left-alone.

I'm DONE. ALL DONE.
My loyalty was abused ?..
I wish I could say yes, based on my condition.
*and yea, I'm quite a blamer..*


Word of the Day - Blamer : ppl who blame everything good or bad that happen at any condition or individual to anything that could possible be the reason of blaming.

Taking COVER

Here he do it again.
Alright, you said everything so 响当当at the 1st place and you just promise everyone anything and everything. There once a wisdom saying, judges yourself based on your capability, Don't Wear Shoes Which Bigger than Your Actual Feet Size.

And you will cover it by saying, I'm doing this in order to force myself !!
This is the correct way human do~
Efficiency is, to be forced, they got to have this sense of urgency !!!..
Otherwise, NOTHING will be proceeded.
And this is the normal routine that happen every time in everywhere.
Else, we can ask help from outsource, I got backup from there.
They would certainly be willing to help if I asked.
Oh ya, lastly, the sentence I taught you -----
Just Face it!! Its "circumstances" problem, We can' do that.

Yea, thank to all above. You got COVERED!!!

Diary 1

Alright, I'm here again.
I'm corrupted this time. I mean TOTAL corrupt.
Ever been a friend who was once so dear to that u are ready to share almost everything in ur life and u just have to found that he is not ready or I'm not ready ?..

Well, statement above OBVIOUSLY was so damn prejudgementive.
I'm jumping too fast to the conclusion.
Sorry boss. I just can't handle it anymore.
Here the thing.
Guy No.1, is a friend. Met during an event.
He got his ego somewhere inside. But he was empty and unequipped inside.
And so, he started to natter  He interviewed for President in this club.
Good thing is, his competitor was strong backstage as he is.
So he win. And we are following his order.

Here comes Guy No.2;

Here's the thing, he was too supportive, having huge ambitions.
I don't wanna talk bout him. He was perfect for me.
Nothing seem wrong of him to me.

And here the condition. 

Fucking Asshole No.1, were electing as President  for just a piece FUCKING RESUME!!!!

Well well, you win. So stop bossing people around. You have absolutely lost my trust to you unless u are saying you cheated my friend. *I make this looks ugly, Hell'ya!! o0o
Life goes on. Dear No.2, I'll still trust you, I'll still work for you. I may look childish or whatever.
But PLEASE I'm begging you!!! Please trust me!

*It may sound gay but I'm still going to say it.
You're IMPORTANT to me. I've lost myself toward all those struggle. I can't bear it. Kept on lying myself saying that I'm fine cause I'm strong heal me no.
I really don't wanna loss such a friend like you. Story End.
Hope thing heal after this break. and Wola. You're important to me.
End.