Diary 22

.
Procrastination.
Deadly but forgettable, wasn't it ?
We can't choose or tell right ?..

There are thing in life we do really got interested in.
So we should focus only at those stuff.
We should really focus on it right ?..
Otherwise, when are you going to do it ?

Diary 21

.
Childish.
Should I fight it or not ?
Keeping a pure heart seem harder these days.
Too many thing that will makes us think.
Too many consequences happen when we make choices and act to.

Extremis are no wrong at all.
There wasn't need for understanding.
What is understanding ?
You have to accept what the other have been through ?
Can you ?.. Don't fucking say just ignore it cause its ain't healing anything.
Time heals, but scar leave there.
So why do being needs communication at the first place ?
Oh! To manipulate others~
They are your brick and concrete.
To built for your career and view and your ideal community.
So, language is no barrier at all, understanding just bullshit.
You are great at many kind of languages, so what ?
You just lack of understanding,
As if a brat kept asking more pocket money from his/her parent.
As if a God-Damn parasite, just keep on sucking and asking for more.

You can say that I was being judgeful.
But who started it at the first place.
You said you was doing thing to change, and it just you said so.
Who cares anyway ? Don't try to think big when you can't.
You just not qualified.
If you are, prove it.
If you're saying shouldn't prove to just prove it, fine enough.
Story end.
Cinderella go to bed.
Snow White kill her step-mother.
What else ? BRAT.

Diary 20

.
I'm a bit of swinging right now.
Going to have test after another 12 or 11 hours.
But I'm not studying.
As if I never thought of studying actually.
I can't ? I avoid ? I ignore ?..

I can't tell anymore.
Is there anything that can be undone ?
I'm trying to beat that stupid mind of mine to take the note.
Trying to look at it.
But why ? I can't.
Even repeatedly copying the note,
I never thinks of it.

Honestly, ZERO knowledge about it.
Its Physics Mathematics for me.

Is it being too hard for a normal people ?
Or my mind was being blocked cause I wasn't being passionate about Math ?
Its confusing. I can't tell.
Would it be better if I just sleep now ?
Sounds so wrong but so right.
If I can't study, I should just let it be right ?
At least I still can get my rest and will be much energized up to answer the question tomorrow.
OR If I force myself to study, I should get at least not zero for the test right ?..
So which way ?..

Diary 19

.
Life, is a cycle, that looped.
We don't live life for nothing.
God was like He know everything.
The Yin and Yang concept was correct,
And that's what make us trapped in this circle.

We were given emotion,
We were given thought,
We were given things to protect,
But we were given things to offence as well.

There are always something that never change about human.
We were given family. Not to say a perfect one but not a imperfect one as well.
We were given parent. Not to say a excellent one but they all must've tried their best to provide us the most choices and consequences.
In fact, were being given too much that we never tried to understand, or to be the worst, never thought of trying to understand.

So we repeat the mistake we've done.
We keep on repeating it.
Until the day, we reach our limit.
Done.

Diary 18

.
I'm letting it go, and hence I'm missing you.
I'll be patience until the day true friendship appear.

If friendship was to be this shallow,
then so be it.
If the bond are to be this weak,
then so be it.
If the treasure between us are to be this unmemorable,
then so be it.
If all the understanding before this was wrong,
then so be it.

You keep your life there,
I keep mine.
I treasure relationship as if a gem, a diamond.
If I was wrong, then so be it.

I've been quite confused, with love and friendship.
Love should be a bigger topic right ?
But I know, clearly, I wasn't even half-way to love.
As for friendship, I know I was right.
If you are my friend in my list, I'll treasure you the whole life.
That's friendship right ?
If I had tried to avoid you, then you should be wary,
Cause you ain't nothing to me,
Stop hurting yourself to understand or to pity me.
I don't need all these from you.
If I tried to approached you, and we kinda like clicked on, then its good!
We can be friend, but leave some respect.
I will be super supportive to you, but don't challenge my life principle.
I have to admit, my life principle was rather easy to get challenge one.
But, you pass this one, you pass the whole test/obstacles!
I don't need all those bullshitting mask smiling, socialize or fake bullshit in front of me.
I don't need extra good deeds from you. I DON'T NEED ALL THAT.
I'll see you as my friend, yes, the original you.
The you that can talk with me endlessly regarding everything I know and you know.
Maybe you'll keep that part to your wife, but its ok. Who cares ?!
But don't get changed easily. Don't get fake. Don't get me wrong about you.

I do treasure relationship as if a diamond those richie seek for their generations.
But you ain't diamond, you are more than that.

All these are bull shit,
I should've done talking.

I am getting too over right now.
Alright, post above may sound gay/ewww but its true and sincere.
And I'm NOT GAY. Its a damn stupid post to a stupid friend.

To the future self

.
Hey,
Don't ever forget who you are.
You used to fight to believe and have faith.
You are precious.
You have many friends, good one especially.
You have collected some blacklisted friends as well.
But, don't forget, some of them are missing from the list already.

Don't keep pushing yourself to the limit, unless you are really passionate into it.
Don't live life trying to impress others, cause you worth a lot more than that.
Don't ever get down when hard times come, they will be your past then let you grow.
Have you achieve what you want ?
Have you achieve what you seek ?
Did you really protected the thing you treasure ?
Did you lost anything in the process to protecting ?
Please. Look and see.
Don't regret. Don't sorry.
Cause they are officially the past now.
LET IT GO.

Diary 17

.
Wahahaha!!!
I must have been a psychopath.
Hehehe~~

I felt so excited over observing someone behind.
Their action,
Their response and reaction,
Their intonation,
The way they speak,
The way the put their hand, legs,
The eye contact, micro-expression,
The involuntary action or expression,
Their posture and everything.
God damn it.

Its so so so so true,
So them,
So revealable,
So REAL.
Its AWESOME!!!
And making me excited~!!!!!

Gosh, someday, I'm going to take up some psychological lesson.  :D 

Diary 16

.
Thing comes naturally.
This is what I believe.
But, of course, you have to work for it a little bit.

Easy saying, hardly happen.
This is what happen most of the time.
But you just have to give it time, for it to complete.

There wasn't no solution,
Just that the best solution is so below average.
So, you have to change your perspective.

Regret is a must.
Yet, you gonna learn to know,
"Regret makes me grow."
But, of course, no all regret is worth regret.

If you couldn't find anyone to beat you,
Create one yourself, or compete yourself.
Burn your youth,
Burn your passion,
Keep the fire there.
So you can keep on living in this world.
We born not only to live,
But to inspire, and get inspired as well.

By the time everything seems complete,
Things will comes naturally.
This is just so part of nature and society.
You can break the chain,
The result may altered,
But people and perspective will still be the same.

#No worries, cause at least you show them.
#Get it or not, its up to them to decide.

Diary 15

.
Life, Humanity;
Society, Interaction;
Duh.

Communicate, can overcome gap ?

Diary 14

.
PART I
Bottom of society ?
How's the bottom of society works ?
I wonder. *(actually I just wanted to match see if I was correct.

But how come ?
People are different.
But still how come ?
They are not excelling.
Not fighting.
Not positive.
Not understanding.
It can be interpret as something called karma ?!
Or whatever shit they wanna call it.
There isn't many people with strong will and mentality.
Sometimes, I wish I have the capability to challenge them.
And I wish I know which part of mountain they have reach despite all the mechanism they have.
Are they way more faster them me ?
Or they are just below me, cause I was too fast ?
Or everyone are on the same line, just that we never notice the gap we had.

Anyway, I just sorta predict.
And just guessing.
By the way, I'm NOT A MAN.
Since I don't have the so-called male mechanism.

PART II
Something really bothered me today.
Mere friendship between a boy and a girl doesn't exist right ?
Cause world isn't the same place anymore.

Test Subject

.
Starting from now on.
I got no more friend.
Everyone was a test subject,
I have to be myself.

Control curiosity level.
Just let it be the way they think it should it should be.
Male mechanism. Fuck you!
A very good test subject indeed.
And people won't get hurt by putting too much feeling/faith into it.

Mood Swing

.
Its a disease.
No matter what, face it.
Gosh.
So damn low Anti-Stress Level.
Why huh?
Its just fucking normal presentation la.
Last minute preparation and so what ?!
I don't GIVA A FUCK !
Its not your first time giving last minute preparation presentation.
Btw, you are just presenting one slide which give only two point.
Hey brother, wake up la.
You worth a lot eh!!!
Get up and hit it.
ARGH!!!!!!!!
ITS SPARTA!!!!

Diary 13

.
Yo.
I'm ending it.
Putting an end to the relationship that I tried to treasure few years ago.
Its harsh, but we can only be friend.

Just friend would be enough for me.
I'm not being coward to not daring.
I'm not being pessimistic.
I'm not that not having faith.
I just growth apart.
And done being treated as an second option anymore.

Regret that I was being passive at the first place.
I'm sorry if I made you wait and made you suffered.
I'm sorry. and I know, it's futile to say or do anything, anymore.

And to bury, something are not going to happen in me or done by me anymore.

Something called FRIEND

.
Hmph.
Buddy mean friends.
Friend mean people who share similar ideology,
can get along pretty well,
been thru similar situation,
and MOST importantly,
We saw thing similarly,
And we treasure relationship the same way.

There been really some good friend of mine(so far),
But I got MORE. There is fews of them.
They are darling, just making me readily dissolving anything they did.
I can't find any word to describe them,
as they doesn't need to be describe on word.
Word are just word.
Cause they mean more than word to me.

Welcome to introduce my best pal.
She a female. (yes, I get along with female more than male
We know each other since primary school, but then separated.
And we meet again in same secondary school ! :D
BUT, (yup, guess life isn't go on the way we always want.
She left, to other places, following her family plan.
Still, we kept in contact every year, from Facebook to sms, to texting, to calling.
And yeah, we still keep in contact until these days..
She is now in Brunei, working/intern-ing.
Anyway that all I have to say bout her.

Next, buddy list No.2.
Still she's a female as well.
This one was a bit different.
We used to have same experience about life.
We know that this society is sick.
I used to worked my ass off proving to her that we still can have dream to change.
Until we get along too well that people almost thought we fall-in-love with each other.lolz
We been to the bottom of hierarchy in this society.
We know, how thing works out.
We know, how human thinks only for themselves.
We are clearly aware of what going to happen the next thing regarding the current action.
Maturity level of mine and her are the same and thus, we can really get along pretty much well.
And that's she. I'm glad that I have her as my friend.

The third.
Unfortunately, the third are still a female. xD
Well well, this one was a bit complete opposite from the original me.
Unpredictable leadership. Good attitude, Average manner. :P
She have these kind of great thinking -- living in the present.
She have a dream, daring to dream big, a bit impetuous but thank to that,
I got inspired. By the way, she kinda like a animal from Planet Cat.
Nothing shall I say about her,
We think not in the same way,
But having the same aim and conclusion in the end. :D

and the forth.
I wasn't sure about this.
He is always 50-50. (yea, finally a male.
That what makes me tired.
We used to be so close together.
Same ideology.
Same living concept.
Same thinking about life and people.
Same opinion in most of the discussion and so much more.
We got too much similarity. To the point, we can't accept any differences in our mind.
And thus, problem came.. I wish, no I WANT, truly and sincerely that we can overcome it.
I don't wanna leave any wound to anyone in my buddy-list.
Although yes, we have to get some wound, argument to be the true best friend.
But hey! You are important to me!! SIGNIFICANT.
I don't care how much you don't wanna reveal your past,
How much your ex-best-buddy hurt you,
How much you get disappointed by them;
Please, TRUST ME!!
I still not getting disappointed yet.
Please, be yourself. Or the true self of yours is this ?
I DON'T CARE! I just want you as my friend.
That's all.

And that's it. about my buddy list.

Diary 12

.
Yes,
I'm NOT WILLING.
Not willing to accept the fact that I had leave.
Not willing to admit that I really did wrong.
Not willing to adapt to what I am now.
I'm just not willing to.

I can follow or catch-up with the flow in anyway.
To any extent, to any consequences.
But I'm still not willing to let just YOU to shine.
How good will I be ?
How bad can I be ?
How worst can I make the situation be ?

Dear brain,
Stop dwelling the past,
You may not done it without regret,
But, let yourself go free.
Don't just go judging everyone!!
Don't put everything onto your scale!!
Don't just simply say something so irresponsible!!
But you have already say it out loud.
And you had make it to an dead-end.
The route you travelled before had collapsed.
So, you are the one who limit yourself.

Please, don't.

Diary 11

.
Been through nothing this lately,
So, It was nothing to feel.
Nothing and blank.

And how is it now ?
Normally, thing seem to be settle in this kind of situation.
So is all those thing being settled ?
I really wonder.

Diary 10

.
Hmm..
Kinda knowing too much again.
I should have focus on the thing I should 've done.
My target. The center spot.
E.V.E.N.T.
I love event.
They makes me thinks BIG.

By the way,
Dear blogger,
I not sure you know me in  real life or not,
but I'm changing my life pace.
I'm going to do thing my way, my style,
And even if its is wrong from another perspective,
I'll keep doing it. Mark my word.

Well well, good spirit I have there.
But this is just a one last chance in your life.
Change it or postpone it.
NEVER, STOP IT.
So, keep going . :)

Pissed.

.
Yes, this mean that I'm EXTREMELY pissed off.
Not because anything was done,
Its because nothing was done,
And nothing have ever changed!!
Damn it.

The system was having problem,
They said problem can be solved easily with enough positive outlook and enough people to work together to curd it.
You want my opinion on that ?..
Here's my opinion, NOT, its my comment:
FUCK YOU!

Yes, people are working to tegether,
But they wasn't solving problem.
They can't even understand what they are doing.
They just go with the flow blindly!..
I got no interest in this kind of flow.
I'm not on a CHARITY show.
Nobody would remember me even if I helped them ?!
And at least I will still get my fame through chariy show.
But this is NOT! NO!
No mercy for me if I done anything wrong even when I've done so many good deeds before. Just one unlucky/wrong-step/forgettable mistake. Mistake will be the only thing been seen. So they put you on a judgement. Damn it.

Fine. I try my best.
I'm not interested anyway.
Just how many time I have to went through all these ?..
This system is just fucking incorrect, from head to toe.

Diary 9

.
Honestly, I admire Albert Einstein plenty, a lot.
Hmmm.
School just failed me these day.
Assignment with unknown purpose,
known result, and all those 'plagiarism' work.
Thing just flowing that way.
With crafted path.
And I just can't walk following the path that crafted.

Great Scientist, Physicist or Mathematician;
Excellent philosopher as well!!
He judged the school, the education and the system.
He criticized them.
He even avoiding himself from getting too friendly with the system!
But tell me, how does a minority win over a majority ?
They can't, right ?..

So, thing just happened.
Human were taught to accept, not to think.
And so, hatred and sorrow was created.
And the loop continue. Can't stop. Won't stop.
Until the day,  people are dumb enough to not even think that ----
this is NOT A PROBLEM.
Screw it. Back to lab report.
*Oh, should be something call plagiarism.*


By the way,
"Happy B'day, Raymond Loewy.
Appreciate your designed logo or graphic to this world."
End.

Diary 8

.
STOP EVERYTHING YOUR BONDED TO RIGHT NOW, RIGHT AWAY!!!
even if it is something you can only have it once in your life.
Don't just go with flow.
The flow woud bring you goodies,
But! think about it!
Trap in the loop of fake happiness (just like direct sale in real life)
OR change for a better, which could motivate your passion, bring you to fullest self.
so, BEAT IT!

*Be a better comeback-player rather then losing youself in the maintream.*

Diary 7

.
Leaving.
It suppose to be something so sad for those who have been together so long, even for friend.
But kinda like inverted back.
They go cause they have to and they want to, so they leave.
And just leave, bring all the sorrow away too, please.
Let it be sharp and hard!
Don't leave any traces.
Cause any memory created will only make us miss it more.

Two friends,
Best friend,
Best pal,
Buddy ?..
Damn you all.
Just leave.

So that I shall stand straight and high up.
Pretending(?!) I was nothing.
But sobbing deep inside.
Anyway, who cares ??..
I am used to it. This is not number 1 case.
We will have chances to meet in the future.
Please have faith in all of us.
One thing I dislike about being human is,
We, are too emotional.
Until we doesn't care about what the others was thinking.
To the extent we will think we,ourselves as a selfish being.
And so, I shall step back for the next life, if I was given a chances to.
I don't mind being cold-blooded, isolated, non-talkative or selfish.
I just had it enough. This feeling sucks the most dude.
And its superb SUCKS! SHUCKS! SCREW IT!!

Today weather :
Cloudy with drizzle and occasional rain in the morning; Sunny the whole afternoon and Comfy night weather.

To Me

.
Stop thinking that you are strong.
You are just human.
I admitted that you have a mature thinking,
So get a use of it.
Utilize it.

Maturity pay for its prices,
Don't stop believing.
People may not understand you,
So, just cut-off the explanation.
Its not that you are bottling up stuff and stress,
Instead, you are chasing what you want and your desire,
Human ares trong cause they were in their dream,
And by living so, they are happy and satisfied.

Like everyone do, hardship comes,
But if you are living proudly with your principle of life and passion,
You are being yourself, and nothing wrong with it.
So strengthen yourself to face those who never tried to understand you.,Cause this is all just challenge,
which can be solve no matter ho worst it is.

Diary 6

.
What's your purpose in life ?
To do want you really wanted to do
OR to please what others people think you should do,
OR to just choose what to do based on the current situation ?

So, if your choices appear to be the 1st one,
WHAT do you really wanted to do ?
WHAT are you doing at this time ?
ARE your really firm that your are going to make your imagination real ?
DO you ready to get wounded in the process of achieving your target ?

Anyway cut that off,
I'm scaring away all those audience. HAHA!!
Well, I have got my principle in life to protect actually,
I have my trust on myself,
My faith, My so-called ideology.
In which, I would go die protecting it.

Something happened,
I got triggered, I hate being distrust.
*guess I was predictable*
Fine, I'm not a easy character as well~
Nah! here a [[midfing]] !!!
But thank, I guess I made to another unpredictable occurrence as well.

I got a DREAM to catch up with,
This, is my LAST chances for this SEM.
Gonna worked for it.
So go worked it out.
There shouldn't be any tolerance in front of your dream,
If you were to achieve it.
There should only be obstacles to overcome.
So, GET IT OVER!!!

*All dream are insane, so do the dreamer.*
*Only those who stay outside the dream would know how hard the dream can hit and yet still don't understand it.*
*So, go DREAM BIG, dreamer.*