Diary 30

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I'm finding a term to describe weirdo that more than weirdo.
Mathematically, its weirdo > x weirdo.
I came to a conclusion that I have to use Chinese word, which I prefer not to use.

怪懒。
怪 - it means weird in Mandarin, pronounce as "Guai".
懒 - Iit means penis in some Chinese dialect, pronounce as "Lan".
We prefer to use this word to describe weirdo in my country, Malaysia.
Why ?.. Maybe cause we don't do sarcastical conversation or faking faces talk.
So, we end up using something rough and profane,
to describe weirdo in a direct and non-twisted way.

Me, to be at a place that completely new for me, wasn't causing me any trouble at all.
The things that truly trouble you/me is the people here.
Maybe it is because I doesn't belong here since the beginning,
And thus, I can't seem to fit into the environment in a way I do.
So I try hard. So I worked my ass off to it.
So I ignore things that people say to me, sometimes...

And hence, of all that action above, everything seems so normal to me.
Yet, it becomes something pathetic, over-reacting, aggressive, non-cooperative.
As much as a extrovert I can be with myself, I'm a introvert, a weirdo, a 怪懒, to them. Knowing damn clear that I can't change how they think, or stop how they think.
I still gonna stick my face to their ass. Fuck it!..
*cause that taste bad.*

I can explain everything that happen,
I wasn't blaming anyone,
not even the circumstances,
but why do I have to acknowledge you all about my life ?
Huh ??... Huh ?!!... light me up please.

Honestly, I'm acting just so normal and so me.
And that's still not enough ?..
Never did I disrespect other or trying to offend other just because I wanted to.
So why can you guys do the same ?..
Here I provide you all an explanation :
"How do hell do I know what you have been through ?"

Yea, you have no idea. And you don't have to try understanding it as well.
And blah, blah, blah...

All right, up to this point, reader, am I correct or what ?
Correct me if I'm wrong or my mind got blocked or whatever.
Pledging for someone to correct me though.
Tell me that I'm NOT a 怪懒.