Diary 42

.
I'm helpless.
Seriously, I'm happy that life is back to me.
Things are going well.
Way too well.
I don't know. 
I'm not willing to do it.
I don't wanna anyone to misunderstood me.
Keeping pure and not contaminated is EXTREMELY HARD.
*even harder that scoring Flappy Bird.*

I don't understand myself.
I guess human can't stand alone.
But they will be alone after all.
So the loop of confusion begin again.
*haha!!!!
* this part dedicated to 21st of Feb 2014.
I pass my day quite with loaded activity and relaxation.
But I wasn't really enjoying it.
I don't wanna live this way.
Its not really free-to-do-what-you-like.
Its weird.
I'm weird.
I'm not truly happy this time, and I know it.
It suppose to just be a dinner,
but it turn out to have another round and everyone was so exciting to the state that I doesn't dare to say anything to object it. I'm anti-social I think. :(
D;

Argh !!!!!
Let's get drunk and FORGET IT!!
I don't really like it.
I overdone it and it can't be undone.
I can't feel sorry and I'm truly sorry I can't control.
I just hate myself.
Whatever, I'm ugly.
Ugly ugly. 
Disgusted. 
Outraged.
Nauseated.

Being looked so shiny and proud from the outside.
I'm scared to death in the inside. 
I'm being so contradict.
And being so selfish. I'm not me.
I can't control. Give me some space to express. 
I HATE IT!
I 'm a control freak.
AND I HATE IT !!!!

I guess I overthink too much.
Tiredness made me down. 
I'm glad I had a strong inner institution here to support me in fighting the outside world of mine. And Seriously, I don't need any kind of expression to support, instead, stay there for me, let me know that you guys can live well without me and not feeling regrettable. That's me. 

Cause I trust you guys as if I don't need to do anything for you guys to trust me.
I trust that it will be my last resort, the very last place I can stay, I can cry, I can fake, I can be real, I can Laugh-Out-Loud, I don't need to cover, I don't need to worried, I can be disappointed and not being sad. I put my faith in this relationship though. Thank for making me survive. Seriously, #KodosAreScaryButFun.

#ICryInsideToday.
#ImLost
#Self-Healing-Again
#ThankYouForUnderstanding
#SorryForBeingSissy
#SorryForNotExplaining
#SorryThatICan'tControl.
#StrongEnoughToStandAloneButUnableToDoSo.