Diary 61

.
I'm still young.
I won't give up.
You may beat me to the ground and make me bleed.
You may taint my pride to the level where I may felt devastated.
You may just attack me in anyway you wish until I couldn't fight back.

BUT let me tell you what.
I DON'T CARE.
NOT A FUCKING SHIT WAS GIVEN.
I.WILL.NOT.BE.STOPPED.
NOBODY.CAN.PULL.ME.DOWN.

Diary 60

.
I had more that one life.
So, don't judge me by the cover.

The cover I put up doesn't define me at all.
It is just a kind of appreciation or confirmation;
Stating, I didn't wasted my life, slacking.

And so that,
I'll always remember how I been shaped. 

Diary 59

.
Okay, stop remind me about the life I had here.
I don't meant to live only one life.
Damn it.

LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
I'm not everyone.
I'm not anyone.
I'm Ah Tang.

Even the normal Tan doesn't fit me well.
Can you guys stop whatever you are doing ?
Thinking of trying to makes thing better instead it becoming worse.
I don't really care. ><

Diary 58

.
Aiks.
Today should be a good day.

Why do I have to show people or list down all that I have done in my life to others ?
YOUR APPROVAL IS NO NEEDED IN MY WAY TO LIVE MY LIFE.

Diary 57

.
Thank you for being picky on me.
Thank you sincerely for upgrading me;
And degrading yourself in front of me.

Appreciate what you try to did there.

BUT, let me tell you something.
I'm NOT THAT EASY to get defeated, SUCKER !

Diary 56

.
Hello.
Good day everyone.
It may sounds girly or a man to have some mood today.
But dude, trust me;
I'm a human as well.
Human bleed and cry.
And so, this is my mood right in the current.

I live in this world. I suffer and I enjoy.
I born to this world. I give the world and take from the world.
I'm nothing. I'm just  a mere human.
In fact, I'm just atom, a relative space;
Which might not even defined by any scientist.

I'm someone who enjoy atmosphere, I live to feel.
I feel life.That's why;
I suffer, I complaint;
I enjoy, I compliment;
I avoid, I fear things;
I embrace, I inspire;
I bring passion, I can continue my life.
I do everything good and try everything bad.
I. DO.NOT. FEAR. LIFE.

I seriously hope that I can meet someone like me.
It's definitely ok if we cannot be friend, or best friend.
But let me know, that, at least I'm not alone in this planet Earth.
I promise, I'll keep my stances, and it will be just pure relationship.

For all the loss that happen to me, I'm fine. 
I don't care if I get way too little bit as reward for a huge effort that I put in.
I really don't care, cause I care the most is the bond. 

Diary 55

.
Hmph.....
I wasn't really wanted to jot anything down actually.
but still, I'm gonna do it here. XD
*human are contradict*

When I said, "I don't give a fuck anymore."
It means I really don't give a fuck anymore.
And just stop re-mention the thing over and over AGAIN.

Well, thank you for the consideration to get over it.
I hope no one will re-mention it again though.


If you do wanna mention it, 
continue reading....

I don't give a fuck about the thing that you done wrong.
It's your fault anyway. Just admit it. I won't EAT you. 
Instead, I'll just take it as never happen, or something similar.
If you just admit it. 

But things will get kinky and dirty when you start avoiding and start finding excuses.
I believe in you capabilities to lead but not your capabilities to follow.

Look inside you for your capabilities to obey order and at the same time, lead the group of people that follow only to you. Chinese proverb : "一山还有一山高“. Don't you copy and understand ? That's how you are in a organization.

That's all I would like to say.

- End -

Diary 54

Chances were given,
and tolerance has been enough.
No more bits of me are interested on this shit anymore.
Lone ranger are lone ranger.
I DON'T NEED ANY COMPANION.

Diary 53

.
Retard are everywhere.
I have always thought no one was ever a retard or brainless.
Or maybe they still understand simple English.
In case if they don't, 
Chinese, Malay. What else ?
Japanese, Hangul ?!
I can help Google translating as well !!!
JUST FUCKING TELL ME AND LET ME KNOW WHICH PART OF MY EXPLANATION WAS NOT FUCKING ENOUGH ??!!!!!!!

I ain't gonna repeat the same thing ever with anyone who DO NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING.
Unless.

Diary 52

.
Bad cycle, bad cycle.
You copy I copy,
You do you part and I do my part.
We don't have to explain and discuss.
We just do it.

DUDE!!!
Than why not I just do my own group assignment ?!
I would me faster and not anticipated for the discussion to occur if I were to do something without having the need to discuss lah !!!
Some more I still have to follow the damn useless rule in the discussion and do the assignment according to it. 
Damn it !

USE YOU FUCKING BRAIN !!!!!!!
I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE.
Stop pushing my limit I'm not superman.
I know a lots of stuff,
I can keep on learning the stuff that I don't know yet.
BUT NOT IN THIS WAY !!
DO. NOT. TEST. ME.

Diary 51

.
No one have ever wanted to understand you.



No one.

Its obvious, words bring no feeling. 
But sadly the fact is, nobody read emoticon.
Nobody read emotion.

They are all just puppet. 
That control by their emotion.

What worse is,
there must be clown to handle the show. 
I would prefer me to not having any dream at all.
Each and every fucking time a chances,
there will be heart-wrecking moment, 
not just normal heart breaking; 
It involve throwing all the principle and dignity away as well.
Dignity to chase the dream.
Principle to not give up.
And faith to just continue are getting less and less.  

A given chance is just another way to witness failure.
To witness thing that unbeatable, in this fucking place.
This whole fucking world of mine is just fucked-up !

At last, I would prefer to had a discussion first, 
Before everything was set.

And please, 
DO READ EMOTICON.

Diary 50

.
This place sucks.
I hate Terengganu.
Not the weather, Not the environment.
Its the people itself.

Not sure I'm really having a bad day or what.
But I'm indeed dying at this place.
I was like I have done rather many, why can't people see what's happening ?..
How can they let such immoral and destructive thing/phenomena happen ?
I say that I'm completely disappointed was definitely an understatement.

How can they adapt themselves to such low qualities of life ?

Diary 49

.
I can't seriously let myself get over with what I've done.
I mean, I want and and I'll get it, no matter how.

Dafuq did I just said.

*This reveal how contradict I am.*

Dear life,
can't you be a bit more smoother for me ?
I seriously needed a break here and nothing have been in-the-process now.
Fighting alone is terrible.
And somehow, there is no way I can go fast.
:(

Diary 48

.
Arg !
I felt empty here, double emptiness despite all that already happen.
I can't felt myself here. Please let me sob here.
Eager to look for what I've lost.

I ain't yes something anymore.
I don't want this to finished, just like this just the way it is.
Please, send me someone who can help me.
Who can inspire me. They are not. XXR are not.
At least the current one wasn't the one I'm looking for.

I barely feeling anything anymore. Why ?
So this is the feeling of doing what you not passionate at all right ?
- Fuck it -

Testament

.
This is Tangie's testament.
"I spend time doing Earth Hour. 
This is not anymore. I suffer inside. 
Being able to achieve my dream is something so special and happy about. 
This is because :
I spend time thinking about how to make thing go fast and steady.
I spend time persuading others to join me.
I spend time finding the one I long lost.
I spend time doing what I wasn't able to focus fully in the past 21 years I live.
I spend time doing what my teacher and father dislike me doing.
I spend time changing others mind.
I spend time flying with the wing gifted by God.
I spend time doing all I passionate about and NOT REGRET.
But after that, its nothing. I'm nothing.

Tangie's life is belong to Tangie.
NOT ONE CAN EVER LAY HIS/HER HAND TO CONTROL HIS LIFE NO MATTER HOW !
Even if Tangie was to lost control or being manipulated,
Tangie would rather die than living a walking dead.
But he got too way too soft-hearted. 

And that why this testament. "

- unfinished post -

Diary 47

.
When thing just got too much to handle.
Not officially. but personally.

Dealing with environment and dealing with people are extremely different.
Not that i ain't gonna accept the hardest challenges,
I just can't, its not my job or its just not my field.
I dislike the feeling of being controlled by others.
Some more it cause me trauma and fear.

- unfinished post -

Diary 46

.
Sometimes in our life,
we would felt so helplessly lost.
Or HARD.

Maybe that all that need to destroy our one fine day is that one tiny little hard time or feeling. So small enough that it can actually cause a tremendous wave or affection deep inside our heart. Which that struck us, kill us, saddened us, shock us, and even changes us. So what can we do about it ? Get your ass up and START MAKE SOME CHANGES !!..

*Yes, you may say I'm way too impetuous. 
But what can I do ?.. I'm just nobody.
WHAT CAN I DO ?.. 
I can only gather up power and I'm doing my very best right now, to try influence others, to try and make them more selfless, and be more lovely. Wasn't it great if the world are made up of people who doesn't care about right or wrong but just simply wanted to be with us longer and get true ???..

Diary 45

.

This is a total devastated period of mine.
I fail to prolong my peak. 

Actually I can and able to prolong it.
But, I don't really get why, I just can't do it.
Anyway, don't comfort me. 

I don't need comfort.
I need some extreme thought.
To excite me. 

To wake me up. 

To mind shock me.
To mind-fuck me. 

To threaten or even kill me.

Don't get wrong. 

I just need to get excited in creativity and why does it so hard to do thing under some guideline.
Just screw them. 

#ThinkOutOfTheBox

#DoOutOfTheBox

Diary 44

.
Seriously, I don't gay.
Instead, I hate gay. I get scared.
But I do give my support to gay people.
So, don't EVER compare me with any kind of gay out there.

I give my support to any LGBT out there.
And people, I like girl very much.
I seems contradict with what I'm talking about here right ?..
Whatever. I watched gay-porn before.
Its kinda disgusting, from my perspective.
And you know why ? *Cause I'm not gay.

OH !
And btw, I don't think any hetero will do better than gay or lesbian people do.
There are way too many people who don't explore themselves to live in this world.
I can't say anything. Sometimes, I'm being lazy too.
But, I do very clear that who I am to myself.
So, don't ever judge be for being sissy sometimes or all the time.
And don't judge me for being gay or still remain single after so long.

I used to be a victim of gay sex assault.
So I can't say much. Even if I had the chances to.
But I put my word ahead, I support LGBT, pink, purple, blue or whatever color it is.
I don't give a fuck! Just go ahead and use them you will have my support,
but just don't come clinging around me. You are disgusting.
- END -

And Dear hetero,
You guys are not anywhere not-more-disgusting-than-LGBT too.
So, get a mirror to reflect yourself, before you saying others.
- END -

Diary 43

.
What if we were thrown into total dead end ?
I really wonder, sometimes.
For animals, some were strong enough to fight.
Some just surrender themselves, 
some even let themselves being cornered more.
Get beaten, abused, and not planning a fight back or just resist.

To be success, and ac knowledgeable,
we gonna be super extreme.
That's it.

No further answer,
Unless you are telling me that you have a super rich family or relatives that does't have any other children, and they only connection to people around are just, you.
Cut down all the unnecessary need.
Kill it off. They are meant to rot and get stepped by you in the future.
Don't sympathized them, never.

* I guess for someone so softhearted like me;
  success will never come. Just forget it. unless I change.